True Love is a Necessity

88888-1165-Love-BG-“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4-8.  The act of love is like none other.  Without true love, we as a people would be completely lost.  God showed us his unfailing agape love when he gave his only begotten son so that we may have the opportunity for eternal life.

Although God is the ultimate definition of love, we as people also have a responsibility to love each other.  The lack of love for each other, in our world today, has been a culprit in the evil deeds that are so often seen on a daily basis.  The increasing amounts of murders, theft, sexual assaults, neglected and abused children, neglected and abused adults, prejudice acts, hate crimes and etc… are all an indication that we as a people lack the true idea of love and we fail to put it into practice as we should.

It is important to note that love is a necessity.  Some people may believe that love is an option but the truth is, in order to thrive in this life , we all must receive love at some point.  Not just love, but true love.  True love is not based on circumstances or conditions.  True love does not stop because someone does unlovable things.  True love attempts to see the best in individuals even in the hardest of times.  True love learns how to forgive even if the forgetting seems impossible.  True love gives the honest truth in a loving way in the toughest situations. True love teaches how to love the person without loving the negative action.  True love reminds others that they have a reason to live and not die.

Love again is not an option but a necessity.  True love means to support and sacrifice.  True love means giving room for errors while also expecting great things.  True love not only means saying “I love you” but also “I’m sorry”.  True love means giving respect even in cases where respect may not be warranted.  True love means showing genuine concern without expecting anything in return.  True love means encouraging even when feeling discouraged.  True love means considering the feelings of others even though you may disagree.  True love means giving even out of our lack.

There is power in love.  The power to heal, the power to save, the power to understand with compassion, is all found in love.  The power to fight after a trauma, the power to survive in the toughest circumstances can all go back to love.  The power to rebuild, the power to tear down walls, the power to conquer, can all be found in love. Let us learn how to truly love one another.  Without love, we are not pleasing to God.  Love goes beyond our family and friends. We must learn to love each other as people.  Show someone some love on today, because love is truly a necessity!

 

 

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Learning to Love Again Part II

Let no man_oThis article is the second part to “Learning to Love Again Part I”.  Here I will continue to share how my husband and I learned to survive in a marriage that seemed to be hopeless at times after his return from multiple deployments.  In order to save our marriage KJ and I both realized that we each had to bear the responsibility and adapt to the situation that was currently at hand.  We are thankful that God helped us to save our marriage and that we both learned how to love each other again after such a tough battle.

1. Commitment- When we marry our spouses we should always go in with the mindset that we are committing ourselves to each other in the good times and the hard times. I do understand that there are some situations that are exceptions to the rule such as marriages that endanger the lives of one or both spouses. However, in most marriages this is not the issue. We must understand that the wedding is not the marriage. It is common for people to look at the beauty of a wedding day and in their minds the realness of marriage is distorted. Regardless of how wonderful things may be at times there still are those days where couples will struggle.During our toughest days there were times when both my husband and I wanted to give up and leave. We talked about it on a few occasions and at one point I even planned to leave. However, even in those times we both made the decision to stay and fight for what was ours because we were committed to our marriage. I am in no way saying that being committed during the tough times is easy but it is necessary. Without being committed, the chance of staying the course until the end the marriage takes a positive turn is less likely.

2. Honest Communication- Without KJ and I being honest with each about our feelings during our tough times we would have been delayed in our process towards healing. There were moments when he felt wronged and misunderstood and so did I. The truth is that both of us had the right to feel this way because we were both guilty of wronging and misunderstanding the other.  I began to shut down and even when my husband would notice that something was going on with me and attempt to find out what it was I would not share what I was truly feeling. I became guilty of misrepresenting my emotional and mental state which was not only unfair to my husband and my marriage but also to myself. In order to accurately deal with what we are feelings and give our spouses a fair chance to assist in helping to make things right we must be open and honest while having continued communication.

3. Love- The word of God states that, “love covers a multitude of sins”. When we learn to love correctly we understand that true love includes patience, understanding, forgiveness, commitment and etc… To truly love someone or something means that we are willing to go the extra mile to try and hold on to want we have. We understand that many times the love that we hold in our hearts will help us to beat the outside odds. Without our love for God, each other and our family KJ and I would have not been able to overcome the issues we were facing. Even during the toughest of times it was important that we remembered the love we shared. It is important to keep in mind that love is not based on feelings. Although we don’t always feel in love that does not necessarily mean that we do not love.

I hope and pray that some of what I have shared will help someone in their quest to learn how to love their spouse again after a traumatic event. Always keep in mind that just because the situation looks hopeless today does not automatically state that tomorrow will as well. Stay positive, although sometimes negative feelings will arise, always try to find your way back to a positive outlook. Find a strong and trustworthy support that has both you and your spouse’s best interest at heart. Talk with someone that will be nonbiased and will hold you both accountable, while also showing compassion and understanding. Never be afraid to ask for help! Seek out counseling if needed. Lastly, never lose the faith. Always remember that even in the toughest of situations God has the ability to turn it around. Have the faith and believe that you can and you will make it.

 

Crying in the Dark

 

Sometimes I lie in the bed at night when everyone is sleeping and I cry in the dark.  My husband is often right there beside me but he has no idea that I am crying in the dark.  There are days when the pressures of life seem to be unbearable for me to carry on my own.  There are times when I desire to see things change in the lives of my family, friends and my community; however, situations seem to get worse rather than better.  There are times when I wish I had the resources to supply the needs of others so that their needs will not be so great.   There are times I cry in the dark because I desire so deeply to have my deceased family members back not only for me but for those that I love.  There are times when I so desperately want things in me personally to change and I struggle with trying to fix myself. I know that this seems like a strange confession but I truly do cry in the dark.

I understand that I may be one of very few people that are willing to be open about this and that is okay but for those that cry in the dark as I do, I want to encourage you on today.  Always remember that even when you are crying in the dark God is there and he sees every tear.  In the book of Psalms it says that God puts our tears into his bottle. “Thou tallest my wanderings; Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book” Psalms 56:8.  I recall when my friend told me this scripture in Germany how refreshing and important I felt.  My deepest hurt and concerns are so important to God that he chooses to keep track of every tear I shed.

Know that those tears that you are shedding in the dark are tears of cleansing and healing.  As strange as it sounds but crying is often a process of healing for the heart.  When we cry it is not uncommon for our innermost being to feel better after it is over.  In the midst of our crying God draws closer to us even though we may not feel like he does.  “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; saveth such as be of a contrite spirit” Psalms 34:18. Even when I cry in the dark I know that God is there.  I know that my prayers are being heard.  I have a confidence in knowing that the tears I am shedding in the dark when everyone else is asleep will cause God to move on my behalf. Know that your tears are not in vain and that God has promised joy after your weeping.

 

“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” Psalms 30:5