In the Meantime

Worried, afraid, and confused are all words that can be used to describe my feelings.  One day everything seemed fine.  I was busy taking care of my husband, my kids, and my home.  The excitement I had begun to feel about my future writing career could not be described.  School was going well and I was working towards my second Master’s degree while working on building my family’s blog talk show when one day things changed.  There may have been some subtle signs before, but honestly, I did not notice.  However, when I noticed the signs, there was no denying that they were there.

My body was changing and I was experiencing things that I had never experienced before.  I began searching online trying to figure out what was going on with me.  My husband, being the awesome person he is, finally told me in a very loving way, that I was allowing myself to be consumed and I did not even realize it.  Although I was waiting for doctor appointments, they just did not seem to come fast enough.  I felt like I needed answers immediately.  I wanted to know why my body was turning on me and what I had done to cause it to do so.

I will never forget this one particular evening I was talking to a sister in Christ on the phone and she said some wonderful and uplifting things to me.  There was one thing she said which caused me to take a closer look at myself and how I was handling this situation.  She began to share with me about how God was dealing with her concerning the “meantime” moments.  The ironic thing is that the next day I spoke with another friend who had been given the same word!  I knew without a shadow of a doubt there was something I personally needed to receive about my meantime moment.

The meantime is our time of waiting and sometimes a time of suffering and endurance.  This is the time when we have yet to see the manifestation of what we desire and what we have prayed for, however, we believe that we will.  The meantime comes before the appointed time.  In the meantime, we may struggle physically, emotionally, mentally, and physically but we remind ourselves that this time is only temporary.  The meantime is not the end; it is the time that comes before the promise.    

During the meantime, it is often difficult to see a positive ending.  When things are looking contrary to what we are hoping, many times, we find ourselves discouraged and maybe even depressed because we don’t have a complete understanding of what is happening and why.  However, we must remember that while we are in our meantime moments, there is still activity taking place.  Meanwhile, God is still working on our behalf, and he is answering our prayers.  While we are in our meantime moments, we must keep believing!  We must keep praying!  We must keep trusting!  We must keep seeking!  We must keep loving!  We must keep sowing!

 In the meantime, it is important to remember that there is a name that is above every problem or situation that we could ever face.  In the meantime moments know that God still sits on the throne and that Jesus still sits at the right hand as an advocate for us.  He has promised to heal, deliver, and set the captives free.  In the meantime, we must make a choice to stay focused on what is ahead of us and not what is before us.   There is an appointed time, and before it appears, there is a meantime.

 

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” Psalms 34:19 KJV

 

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Hey Mom, You are Appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who works 8 hours a day only to spend 4 hours with your kids before going to bed in order to prepare for the next 8 hour work day, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who stays home with your kids while never getting a moment to clear your head, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who decided not to immunize, who breast feeds and prefers cloth diapers, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who decided that formula feeding works best for you and your baby while deciding immunizations and pampers are okay too, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who gave birth with pain medicine or maybe even a c-section, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who gave birth naturally and was capable of enduring the pain without assistance, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who has not been able to give birth at all but has chosen to love a child that was birth by another, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who birth a child but was unable to provide the security needed so you decided to share your role as mother, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who deals with the conflicts of co-parenting with dad, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who parent’s alone, because dad for some reason is not in the home or involved, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who home schools her kids, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who has public school as the only option, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who chose private school in lieu of the other two, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who questions yourself and whether or not you are getting it all right, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who tries to live up to the standards and expectations of others while not realizing that you are awesome all by herself, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who cries in the dark when no one is around because you desire to give your children the best of you, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who makes mistakes over and over again but refuses to allow those mistakes to keep you from striving to become a better person, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who has raised her kids into wonderful adults and sometimes feels forgotten, know that you are not forgotten and you are appreciated!

To the mothers who constantly give their all and make sacrifices on a daily basis; sacrifices that often seem to go unnoticed, you are appreciated!

To the mothers who work to provide while dealing with the guilt of losing time; as well as the mothers who feel guilty for desiring free time, although you desperately need it, you are appreciated!

 

With so much criticism in the world today, we often fail to realize our value as people. To all of the mothers out there, regardless of race, nationality or background, you are appreciated!  There is nothing that compares to the nurturing and loving presence of a mother.  Regardless of differences in opinions and choices, mom, you are appreciated!   

 

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My Heartbeats,Jamiyah and Jamiece

My Girls, My Loves, My Miracles

Sent from the Heavens Above

I Thank God for choosing me as the vessel for your Life

Baby, did you hear their Heartbeat –

Yes, I hear Beat One and Beat Two

Blessed, Angelic Angels

Gifts from God

Smiles on our face

Joy in our Hearts

My psyche would have never envisioned

I would have to experience losing you so soon

Your Sweet Breaths shortly disappeared from your being

Sounds of your Precious Heartbeats has become silent

Our Physical Encounter was very brief

But I Thank God for every moment we shared

From the first day He placed you both in My Womb

I Thank God for your Movements and your Sounds

My Girls, My Loves, My Miracles

My Soul Cries

As the Tears fall from my Eyes

Articulating the Words, I Miss You is an understatement

Jamiyah & Jamiece you are in our thoughts daily

We carry your Spirits with Grace

We will Forever Hold You in our Hearts

God, My Father although I lost part of me

I Thank You

Thank You for Your Amazing Promises

Thank You for Me being Chosen to Embrace your Gifts

God, I Thank You for being that Calm, Peaceful Wind in the midst of the Storm

I Thank You, for allowing your Peace to Be Still in My Turbulent Time of Distress

Thank You God for Jamiyah & Jamiece

My Girls, My Loves, My Miracles

 

Written For: Jamiyah & Jamiece Johnson (September 2010)

Written By: Ms. Jones (September 2016)

 

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False Positive Part II

As I sat in the room waiting on my lab results, I maintained the hope that this time would be different than before. Unfortunately, I was wrong.  After I received the lab results, the doctor came in and advised that both of my pregnancy tests were suspected to be “false positives”.  Due to my history, we later determined that I suffered a chemical pregnancy, which is often associated with “false positive” pregnancy test.  Although there was a fertilized egg, it never completely implanted or for some reason, it could not continue to grow in my uterus, which resulted in an early miscarriage.  At the time I received the positive pregnancy test results, the fate of the baby was already determined but we had no idea.

As I sat in the room, the words “false” and “positive” kept ringing in my ears. After years of infertility, followed by years of back to back pregnancies, I never encountered a false positive pregnancy test and definitely not two of them.  How could something that seemed so accurate on the surface end up being wrong?  If the tests were truly false positives then the excitement and expectation that my family felt was based on a counterfeit positive result.  Although this was a natural situation, I found myself receiving a spiritual awakening and powerful revelation.

Proverbs 16:25 states, “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but then end thereof are the ways of death”. There are times when we are believing in and practice ways that seem right.  We are definite that these ways are leading us down the right path, however, in actuality they are not.  As people of God, we have been given a layout and a specific design that we are commanded to follow.  Failure to follow this layout and /or design will cause us to be separated from God and will lead to death.  By not abiding by God’s plan and instructions, our spirits will suffer and eventually the relationship that we have worked hard to build will suffocate.

Signs

At the present time, it is imperative that we know the truth and that we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us.   Many of us are convinced that our ways are correct, but they are actually false positives.  In other words, these ways and ideas are built on purposeful deceit, by the enemy.  We are looking forward to a successful end, but that end is only an illusion.  This road that is spoken of in Proverbs is a road that is an imitation; however, this road closely resembles the correct way.  Although the road leads the wrong way, it has been given the attractions needed to fool even the wise.

The road has been padded with luxury statements, which are meant to please our fleshly desires, without the true conviction that comes from the word of God. One that seems to be right, because it is the life that is modeled by those we have put our trust in, however, we have failed to compare it to God’s word.   The road has signs that tell us to stop when we should go and signs that tell us to go when we should stop.  This road is filled with hidden fears and distractions.  Hateful ways are disguised as loving ways and relationships are constantly destroyed while on this road.

As we are traveling on this road, we have a false assurance that we will obtain success, when failure is truly the only destination on the road. Let’s be diligent in our walk with God.  We must seek him to ensure that we are not living a life filled with false hope and expectations.  Just as there is a road that seems right, there is a road that is right.  There is a road filled with strength, hope, guidance, love, fulfillment, healing, deliverance and abundance.  There is a road that God has ordained and it will only guide us into his loving truth.  There is a road that will lead to restored relationships, forgiveness and success.  There is a road that is not a “false positive” but truly is “positive”.

 “The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.” Proverbs 12:15

 

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False Positive

We could not believe it! Finding out on our daughter’s 2nd birthday that we were expecting again was beyond shocking.  The pregnancy tests, I took that afternoon, were both positive.  After the birth of our daughter, I was almost sure that I did not desire to biologically have any more children.  The fact that I will be turning 40- years- old in a few months, definitely played a major part in that conclusion.  My husband, on the other hand, was more open to the idea than I was.  We would have the discussion randomly, over the past couple of years, however, until recently it has not been anything that we have fully embraced nor actively pursued.  This is why it was such a surprise when we found out that I was pregnant again.  Both of us were surprised yet grateful, that a once barren woman, has now been given the opportunity to experience multiple pregnancies.  We know that God is faithful and although we felt a bit unprepared we also counted the news as a blessing.

We immediately shared the news with close family, a few trusted friends and our children. I was very surprised at the excitement shown by my husband and our eldest son.  To say that their reaction gave me an unexplainable joy is an understatement.  Our youngest son even began to join in and show some joyful interest when discussing the idea of having another baby in the house.  The feelings of apprehension, I had previously dealt with concerning having another baby, especially at my age, immediately begin to disappear.  As I witnessed the reaction of my husband and children, I too became confident in the thought of having a new addition.

 

Pink stroller

All of my family’s excitement came to a halt after I woke up one morning exhibiting the signs of a miscarriage. I began having symptoms the night before and against my first thought I decided to go ahead and break the news to my husband.  That was a very difficult decision for me because I knew how excited he was about the baby.  I could not seem to get past the happiness being displayed by my family concerning the pregnancy.  The next morning there was no denying that I was most likely losing the baby.  The very baby that had brought my family a few days of joyful bliss and expectation was for some reason being aborted.  By the instruction of my primary care doctor, I went to the emergency room for care, instead of the clinic. I was disheartened during this trip, especially since I was scheduled to go to my primary care clinic that day and begin the process of obtaining my ob-gyn care.  There I was, having a third miscarriage which equaled the loss of five of our babies.  Although this situation was not looking promising, I still maintained hope that the baby could survive.  The last thing I wanted was to see my family disappointed after seeing them so hopeful.

 

**To Be Continued**

 

“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are thee ways of death” Proverbs: 14:12

Learning to Love Again Part II

Let no man_oThis article is the second part to “Learning to Love Again Part I”.  Here I will continue to share how my husband and I learned to survive in a marriage that seemed to be hopeless at times after his return from multiple deployments.  In order to save our marriage KJ and I both realized that we each had to bear the responsibility and adapt to the situation that was currently at hand.  We are thankful that God helped us to save our marriage and that we both learned how to love each other again after such a tough battle.

1. Commitment- When we marry our spouses we should always go in with the mindset that we are committing ourselves to each other in the good times and the hard times. I do understand that there are some situations that are exceptions to the rule such as marriages that endanger the lives of one or both spouses. However, in most marriages this is not the issue. We must understand that the wedding is not the marriage. It is common for people to look at the beauty of a wedding day and in their minds the realness of marriage is distorted. Regardless of how wonderful things may be at times there still are those days where couples will struggle.During our toughest days there were times when both my husband and I wanted to give up and leave. We talked about it on a few occasions and at one point I even planned to leave. However, even in those times we both made the decision to stay and fight for what was ours because we were committed to our marriage. I am in no way saying that being committed during the tough times is easy but it is necessary. Without being committed, the chance of staying the course until the end the marriage takes a positive turn is less likely.

2. Honest Communication- Without KJ and I being honest with each about our feelings during our tough times we would have been delayed in our process towards healing. There were moments when he felt wronged and misunderstood and so did I. The truth is that both of us had the right to feel this way because we were both guilty of wronging and misunderstanding the other.  I began to shut down and even when my husband would notice that something was going on with me and attempt to find out what it was I would not share what I was truly feeling. I became guilty of misrepresenting my emotional and mental state which was not only unfair to my husband and my marriage but also to myself. In order to accurately deal with what we are feelings and give our spouses a fair chance to assist in helping to make things right we must be open and honest while having continued communication.

3. Love- The word of God states that, “love covers a multitude of sins”. When we learn to love correctly we understand that true love includes patience, understanding, forgiveness, commitment and etc… To truly love someone or something means that we are willing to go the extra mile to try and hold on to want we have. We understand that many times the love that we hold in our hearts will help us to beat the outside odds. Without our love for God, each other and our family KJ and I would have not been able to overcome the issues we were facing. Even during the toughest of times it was important that we remembered the love we shared. It is important to keep in mind that love is not based on feelings. Although we don’t always feel in love that does not necessarily mean that we do not love.

I hope and pray that some of what I have shared will help someone in their quest to learn how to love their spouse again after a traumatic event. Always keep in mind that just because the situation looks hopeless today does not automatically state that tomorrow will as well. Stay positive, although sometimes negative feelings will arise, always try to find your way back to a positive outlook. Find a strong and trustworthy support that has both you and your spouse’s best interest at heart. Talk with someone that will be nonbiased and will hold you both accountable, while also showing compassion and understanding. Never be afraid to ask for help! Seek out counseling if needed. Lastly, never lose the faith. Always remember that even in the toughest of situations God has the ability to turn it around. Have the faith and believe that you can and you will make it.