In the Meantime

Worried, afraid, and confused are all words that can be used to describe my feelings.  One day everything seemed fine.  I was busy taking care of my husband, my kids, and my home.  The excitement I had begun to feel about my future writing career could not be described.  School was going well and I was working towards my second Master’s degree while working on building my family’s blog talk show when one day things changed.  There may have been some subtle signs before, but honestly, I did not notice.  However, when I noticed the signs, there was no denying that they were there.

My body was changing and I was experiencing things that I had never experienced before.  I began searching online trying to figure out what was going on with me.  My husband, being the awesome person he is, finally told me in a very loving way, that I was allowing myself to be consumed and I did not even realize it.  Although I was waiting for doctor appointments, they just did not seem to come fast enough.  I felt like I needed answers immediately.  I wanted to know why my body was turning on me and what I had done to cause it to do so.

I will never forget this one particular evening I was talking to a sister in Christ on the phone and she said some wonderful and uplifting things to me.  There was one thing she said which caused me to take a closer look at myself and how I was handling this situation.  She began to share with me about how God was dealing with her concerning the “meantime” moments.  The ironic thing is that the next day I spoke with another friend who had been given the same word!  I knew without a shadow of a doubt there was something I personally needed to receive about my meantime moment.

The meantime is our time of waiting and sometimes a time of suffering and endurance.  This is the time when we have yet to see the manifestation of what we desire and what we have prayed for, however, we believe that we will.  The meantime comes before the appointed time.  In the meantime, we may struggle physically, emotionally, mentally, and physically but we remind ourselves that this time is only temporary.  The meantime is not the end; it is the time that comes before the promise.    

During the meantime, it is often difficult to see a positive ending.  When things are looking contrary to what we are hoping, many times, we find ourselves discouraged and maybe even depressed because we don’t have a complete understanding of what is happening and why.  However, we must remember that while we are in our meantime moments, there is still activity taking place.  Meanwhile, God is still working on our behalf, and he is answering our prayers.  While we are in our meantime moments, we must keep believing!  We must keep praying!  We must keep trusting!  We must keep seeking!  We must keep loving!  We must keep sowing!

 In the meantime, it is important to remember that there is a name that is above every problem or situation that we could ever face.  In the meantime moments know that God still sits on the throne and that Jesus still sits at the right hand as an advocate for us.  He has promised to heal, deliver, and set the captives free.  In the meantime, we must make a choice to stay focused on what is ahead of us and not what is before us.   There is an appointed time, and before it appears, there is a meantime.

 

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” Psalms 34:19 KJV

 

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My Heartbeats,Jamiyah and Jamiece

My Girls, My Loves, My Miracles

Sent from the Heavens Above

I Thank God for choosing me as the vessel for your Life

Baby, did you hear their Heartbeat –

Yes, I hear Beat One and Beat Two

Blessed, Angelic Angels

Gifts from God

Smiles on our face

Joy in our Hearts

My psyche would have never envisioned

I would have to experience losing you so soon

Your Sweet Breaths shortly disappeared from your being

Sounds of your Precious Heartbeats has become silent

Our Physical Encounter was very brief

But I Thank God for every moment we shared

From the first day He placed you both in My Womb

I Thank God for your Movements and your Sounds

My Girls, My Loves, My Miracles

My Soul Cries

As the Tears fall from my Eyes

Articulating the Words, I Miss You is an understatement

Jamiyah & Jamiece you are in our thoughts daily

We carry your Spirits with Grace

We will Forever Hold You in our Hearts

God, My Father although I lost part of me

I Thank You

Thank You for Your Amazing Promises

Thank You for Me being Chosen to Embrace your Gifts

God, I Thank You for being that Calm, Peaceful Wind in the midst of the Storm

I Thank You, for allowing your Peace to Be Still in My Turbulent Time of Distress

Thank You God for Jamiyah & Jamiece

My Girls, My Loves, My Miracles

 

Written For: Jamiyah & Jamiece Johnson (September 2010)

Written By: Ms. Jones (September 2016)

 

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False Positive

We could not believe it! Finding out on our daughter’s 2nd birthday that we were expecting again was beyond shocking.  The pregnancy tests, I took that afternoon, were both positive.  After the birth of our daughter, I was almost sure that I did not desire to biologically have any more children.  The fact that I will be turning 40- years- old in a few months, definitely played a major part in that conclusion.  My husband, on the other hand, was more open to the idea than I was.  We would have the discussion randomly, over the past couple of years, however, until recently it has not been anything that we have fully embraced nor actively pursued.  This is why it was such a surprise when we found out that I was pregnant again.  Both of us were surprised yet grateful, that a once barren woman, has now been given the opportunity to experience multiple pregnancies.  We know that God is faithful and although we felt a bit unprepared we also counted the news as a blessing.

We immediately shared the news with close family, a few trusted friends and our children. I was very surprised at the excitement shown by my husband and our eldest son.  To say that their reaction gave me an unexplainable joy is an understatement.  Our youngest son even began to join in and show some joyful interest when discussing the idea of having another baby in the house.  The feelings of apprehension, I had previously dealt with concerning having another baby, especially at my age, immediately begin to disappear.  As I witnessed the reaction of my husband and children, I too became confident in the thought of having a new addition.

 

Pink stroller

All of my family’s excitement came to a halt after I woke up one morning exhibiting the signs of a miscarriage. I began having symptoms the night before and against my first thought I decided to go ahead and break the news to my husband.  That was a very difficult decision for me because I knew how excited he was about the baby.  I could not seem to get past the happiness being displayed by my family concerning the pregnancy.  The next morning there was no denying that I was most likely losing the baby.  The very baby that had brought my family a few days of joyful bliss and expectation was for some reason being aborted.  By the instruction of my primary care doctor, I went to the emergency room for care, instead of the clinic. I was disheartened during this trip, especially since I was scheduled to go to my primary care clinic that day and begin the process of obtaining my ob-gyn care.  There I was, having a third miscarriage which equaled the loss of five of our babies.  Although this situation was not looking promising, I still maintained hope that the baby could survive.  The last thing I wanted was to see my family disappointed after seeing them so hopeful.

 

**To Be Continued**

 

“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are thee ways of death” Proverbs: 14:12

Enough is Enough!

Enough

I am through with it all! I am done!  I can’t and I won’t continue to live in this manner.  I have decided that enough is enough!  The fear that has kept me in captivity for years will no longer have its hold.  The enemies of procrastination, consistent tardiness, and complacency no longer have a place in my life.  The constant doubt of who I am and confusion concerning my purpose have to go.  Why?  Because enough is enough!

The idea of settling and accepting less than what I desire in my heart, is no longer an option. I refuse to live by the boundaries that have been established around me.  The boundaries that accept poverty, lack, and the mentality that “comfortable is ok”.  I will stop looking at those who have beaten the odds and thinking, “That type of success is not for me”.  It is time out for spending too much time on the “whys” and failing to spend the required time and energy on what can be done to change the situation.  I understand some believe that we must know the past to accomplish greatness in the future; however, we sometimes allow that past to hinder our future.  We spend a lot of time expecting and looking for answers as we continue to look back and that slows down our forward movement.  Well, for me, enough is enough!

I have had enough of the hate that keeps us as people of all races and ethnicities back. I have had enough of the excuses and the blaming of everyone else but ourselves, which causes us to stay stagnant.  How we grew up, where we grew up, what happened while we were growing up does not have to be used as reasons why we cannot accomplish and achieve greatness.  These things are only used because we chose to use them and it is time to stop because enough is enough.

Settling is a choice and an opportunity. It is not a road that has to be taken it is a road that we decide to take.  Just as we have the opportunity to settle we have the opportunity to soar.  Of course it may be harder for some than others; however, it is not impossible.  Educational opportunities, business opportunities, ways to overcome debt and etc… are available to us all.  It is time that we tap into the greatness and abilities that have been placed on the inside of us.  There is nothing keeping us from reaching deep and looking high, except ourselves.  I have decided that I will no longer look to follow the trends of others but I will become the trendsetter.  I will be happy! I will be free!  I will succeed!  Why? Because the moment has come to say that enough is enough!

 

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

 

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The Beauty of it all

Even in hard situations, most of the time, something beautiful can be found.  Beauty comes in many different forms and it is often overlooked.  When things happen and God intervenes this is an example of his love and graciousness.  When relationships are broken and God provides restoration that is an example of his beauty.  Deliverance that comes after years of bondage and addiction is a display of God’s beauty.   When financial breakthrough comes after a financial struggle, that is beauty.   After waiting years for a heart’s desire that has finally manifested there is no mistaking of God’s beauty.  Whenever survival comes after the things that were meant to destroy, kill and steal then God’s beauty is apparent.  If we choose to look then we can see the beauty of it all.     

 

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”  Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

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True Love is a Necessity

88888-1165-Love-BG-“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4-8.  The act of love is like none other.  Without true love, we as a people would be completely lost.  God showed us his unfailing agape love when he gave his only begotten son so that we may have the opportunity for eternal life.

Although God is the ultimate definition of love, we as people also have a responsibility to love each other.  The lack of love for each other, in our world today, has been a culprit in the evil deeds that are so often seen on a daily basis.  The increasing amounts of murders, theft, sexual assaults, neglected and abused children, neglected and abused adults, prejudice acts, hate crimes and etc… are all an indication that we as a people lack the true idea of love and we fail to put it into practice as we should.

It is important to note that love is a necessity.  Some people may believe that love is an option but the truth is, in order to thrive in this life , we all must receive love at some point.  Not just love, but true love.  True love is not based on circumstances or conditions.  True love does not stop because someone does unlovable things.  True love attempts to see the best in individuals even in the hardest of times.  True love learns how to forgive even if the forgetting seems impossible.  True love gives the honest truth in a loving way in the toughest situations. True love teaches how to love the person without loving the negative action.  True love reminds others that they have a reason to live and not die.

Love again is not an option but a necessity.  True love means to support and sacrifice.  True love means giving room for errors while also expecting great things.  True love not only means saying “I love you” but also “I’m sorry”.  True love means giving respect even in cases where respect may not be warranted.  True love means showing genuine concern without expecting anything in return.  True love means encouraging even when feeling discouraged.  True love means considering the feelings of others even though you may disagree.  True love means giving even out of our lack.

There is power in love.  The power to heal, the power to save, the power to understand with compassion, is all found in love.  The power to fight after a trauma, the power to survive in the toughest circumstances can all go back to love.  The power to rebuild, the power to tear down walls, the power to conquer, can all be found in love. Let us learn how to truly love one another.  Without love, we are not pleasing to God.  Love goes beyond our family and friends. We must learn to love each other as people.  Show someone some love on today, because love is truly a necessity!

 

 

Learning to Love Again Part II

Let no man_oThis article is the second part to “Learning to Love Again Part I”.  Here I will continue to share how my husband and I learned to survive in a marriage that seemed to be hopeless at times after his return from multiple deployments.  In order to save our marriage KJ and I both realized that we each had to bear the responsibility and adapt to the situation that was currently at hand.  We are thankful that God helped us to save our marriage and that we both learned how to love each other again after such a tough battle.

1. Commitment- When we marry our spouses we should always go in with the mindset that we are committing ourselves to each other in the good times and the hard times. I do understand that there are some situations that are exceptions to the rule such as marriages that endanger the lives of one or both spouses. However, in most marriages this is not the issue. We must understand that the wedding is not the marriage. It is common for people to look at the beauty of a wedding day and in their minds the realness of marriage is distorted. Regardless of how wonderful things may be at times there still are those days where couples will struggle.During our toughest days there were times when both my husband and I wanted to give up and leave. We talked about it on a few occasions and at one point I even planned to leave. However, even in those times we both made the decision to stay and fight for what was ours because we were committed to our marriage. I am in no way saying that being committed during the tough times is easy but it is necessary. Without being committed, the chance of staying the course until the end the marriage takes a positive turn is less likely.

2. Honest Communication- Without KJ and I being honest with each about our feelings during our tough times we would have been delayed in our process towards healing. There were moments when he felt wronged and misunderstood and so did I. The truth is that both of us had the right to feel this way because we were both guilty of wronging and misunderstanding the other.  I began to shut down and even when my husband would notice that something was going on with me and attempt to find out what it was I would not share what I was truly feeling. I became guilty of misrepresenting my emotional and mental state which was not only unfair to my husband and my marriage but also to myself. In order to accurately deal with what we are feelings and give our spouses a fair chance to assist in helping to make things right we must be open and honest while having continued communication.

3. Love- The word of God states that, “love covers a multitude of sins”. When we learn to love correctly we understand that true love includes patience, understanding, forgiveness, commitment and etc… To truly love someone or something means that we are willing to go the extra mile to try and hold on to want we have. We understand that many times the love that we hold in our hearts will help us to beat the outside odds. Without our love for God, each other and our family KJ and I would have not been able to overcome the issues we were facing. Even during the toughest of times it was important that we remembered the love we shared. It is important to keep in mind that love is not based on feelings. Although we don’t always feel in love that does not necessarily mean that we do not love.

I hope and pray that some of what I have shared will help someone in their quest to learn how to love their spouse again after a traumatic event. Always keep in mind that just because the situation looks hopeless today does not automatically state that tomorrow will as well. Stay positive, although sometimes negative feelings will arise, always try to find your way back to a positive outlook. Find a strong and trustworthy support that has both you and your spouse’s best interest at heart. Talk with someone that will be nonbiased and will hold you both accountable, while also showing compassion and understanding. Never be afraid to ask for help! Seek out counseling if needed. Lastly, never lose the faith. Always remember that even in the toughest of situations God has the ability to turn it around. Have the faith and believe that you can and you will make it.