Here We Go, Again

It has only been four months since you left but it seems like forever already. Here we go, again, yes, again. Here we go with the lonely nights and days of feeling blue because we are trying to understand how to cope with missing you. Here we go again with the heartache of watching the kids cry because they had no idea how long it would be when they told you good-bye. Here we go again with the fears of you being gone and the daily prayer that God will please allow you to make it home. Here we go again, yes, again.

Here we go again with the random tears and the hidden fears. Will things change like before? Will we ever see the man who walked out of the door? Although I truly want these thoughts to pass me by, I sometimes wonder will it be the same as the day we said goodbye. Here we go again with missing your touch, your hugs, and your smile. So many days we wish we could get to you but with that would come traveling many miles. Here we go again with everything seeming to fall apart when you are gone and dealing with the feelings of having to handle a lot of things all alone. Here we go, again, yes, again.

Here we go again facing the fact that even though we are apart life must go on and sometimes it seems impossible but we all must be strong. The kids are missing you like crazy and so do I, however, we are all grateful as each day goes by. Many people do not understand the heartache that we feel as we are forced to separate and no, time does not heal. Time does not heal the wounds we gain from the time we lose or the special moments that you can only hear about as if it were news. The first year of our baby’s life that you will miss or the sadness that Mariah feels because she desires to give her dad a goodnight kiss. Time will not replace the first year of middle school for our first born or the long-awaited first day of kindergarten for our second son. 

Many people do not understand the price that we pay when they look at us and think we have it made. There is a sacrifice that comes along with this life we live and the precious moments of your life that you have chosen to give. You give to your country that you support and love and you truly believe that this is a call from above. A call to help improve the lives of others no matter their gender, background, or color. So, because of that, here we go again, yes, again. Here we go again with another opportunity to appreciate what we have worked to create; a chance to help others understand even those that cannot relate. A chance to grow as a family, although we are apart, we are truly connected by the heart. Here we go again with another opportunity for God’s glory to be revealed and although time cannot, God can and will heal. He will make up for the time that we have lost and compensate us for paying such a significant cost. Here we go again, yes, again.

Here we go again with the chance for our love to grow in a different light and for our relationship to blossom even in spite. In spite of the distance, our love is real and the test of time can and will reveal that it is possible to love and be apart for a while, when your heart is in it then you make a decision to continue to smile. We deal with the tears and the dateless days as we keep in mind that this is only a phase. This is a temporary situation that will have long-lasting benefits; As we learn to cherish and have a different appreciation for our moments. The moments we are together as a family, the times we love and share, have a different meaning when you are here. Since we understand what it means for you to be gone we truly appreciate you when you are home. Here we go again with an opportunity for our kids to grow as they experience some hardships that other kids will never know. A time for them to walk in their resilience and show others how in the midst of fear you can walk through as fearless. So, as I thank you for all that you do I also thank God for another chance to show how we, the Johnson’s, can and will make it through. Here we go again, yes, again.

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Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee”.   Isaiah 26:3

 

                                                      WE ARE THE JOHNSON’S

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Yes, We are Separating!!!

Us

For years K.J. and I dealt with our issues within our home, with only the support of a few family and friends.  Our issue with infertility, post-deployment issues and other marital issues, were things that we sometimes silently dealt with.  Recently we decided to make our story known.  We collectively decided that it was time to use our experience, wisdom and trials to attempt to help other families that may also be suffering silently.  The decision to open ourselves up to the world and to allow others in was not an easy one.   We carefully considered the effects that this decision could have on our marriage, on our children and on other’s perceptions of us.  As a couple, we surely did not take the decision lightly.

Last year I began my blog and this past February we started our show “Family Matters with Kenny and Kwajalein”.  To say that this path we have begun has shown us a lot about ourselves and others would be an understatement.  Definite changes have come about within our relationship as well as in our family.  We can truly say that this decision has changed our lives in more ways than one.  With all that being said my husband and I have made a decision, a rather big decision, we are deciding to separate!

Yes, we are separating.  We have made a choice to distance ourselves from people and things that have no positive influence on our lives.  We are separating from choices that have caused us to move back instead of ahead.  My husband and I are leaving behind those things of the past that have kept us in bondage and distress.  Yes, we are separating.  We are moving away from habits that cause us to be stagnant instead of progressing.  We are leaving behind oppressed mentalities that cause us to see ourselves opposite of how God sees us.  As we stepped out into the ministry God gave us and started to tell our story we began to see how blessed we truly are.  We have gained a better understanding of ourselves and our marriage; although, we are far from perfect this journey has brought us closer together.  We have a different appreciation for God, our marriage, our kids and our lives.  So yes, we are separating!

 

 

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14)