Go Ahead, Make a Move!

For the longest time I would tell myself and others that I did not have a talent. I would constantly seek God asking Him to reveal the talent or gift that was buried so deep on the inside of me that it was unnoticeable. Unfortunately that was my thought process at the time but those thoughts were all illusions. The reality of it all is that I was truly ignoring the gift that God had given me. It is not that He wasn’t showing me or using others to recognize and speak into my life. The holdup was truly a result of my refusal to accept what was being spoken to me and move forward in it.

I will never forget the day when I accepted the fact that God had given me the ability to write. After a long conversation with my mom, that was not intended to convict me, I received the revelation that I had failed to show appreciation to God for my talent. Every time I rejected the idea of writing and refused to accept it as a talent, I was displaying an ungrateful attitude. With a repentant heart I changed my prayer and begin to ask God for the passion to write. I then wanted to know how I could utilize my gift for His glory, to help people and to help me achieve my personal success.

Just as each one of us has been given a measure of faith we have also been given a talent and in some cases multiple ones. In the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, the servant who was given one talent failed to faithfully handle it in an appropriate manner due to being bound by fear. As a result he was reprimanded and called “slothful”. He also ended up without a talent because the one he had was taken away as a result of him being seen as irresponsible.

The sad truth is that many of us have talents and we fail to move forward in them due to different fears, past life events, current family situations and etc… Although we may desire to move out on those deep desires within our hearts we often find reasons to justify not taking a step towards what we truly desire to do. In a sense we are failing to properly utilize different gifts and talents that God has trusted us with. We can many times unintentionally give fear more honor than we give God.

Everyone has a talent and /or gift from which dreams and desires are birth. The strong desires associated with these talents and gifts were never intended to be tucked away in our hearts and minds and never pursued. The fire was never meant to be extinguished because we are afraid of what could happen or what may happen. Those desires were placed there for a purpose and not for conversation only. Stepping out on those dreams and utilizing those talents allows God the opportunity to get His glory and to make us great. Yes, He desires for us to be great and to live in abundance! He wants us to move forward and to prosper in our gifts and talents.

We must stop allowing fear, doubt, a lack of motivation, a lack of confidence and other negative responses stop us from moving forward. If we are going to be proper role models for our children we must lead by example. The goal should always be to teach our children values that will set them up for success. While hard work is a necessity to be successful we should ensure that our hard work is being geared towards our success. In other words, we are not spending our lives working hard to help someone else’s dreams prosper while neglecting our own. We are instructed to leave an inheritance for our children not just work for someone else while helping them to leave an inheritance for their children. It is time to stand up, take a risk, utilize what we have been given and allow God to move! So I encourage everyone today to go ahead, make a move!



Learning to Love Again! Part I

I previously wrote a blog focusing on the battle my husband and I encountered when he returned back from deployments with undiagnosed trauma. I was very excited about the positive feedback I received. I was not only excited but also made aware that there are many others who have faced this issue and some still are facing it in silence. This article can be considered the sequel to, “The Day We Said Goodbye”. Now that I have publicly shared our struggle a few of my trusted friends suggested that I also share the process that has led us to where we are today. It has been one that has caused my husband, myself and our eldest son to learn the true meaning of family and commitment. As for me, I also realized that sometimes we must learn how to love again.

When my husband returned back from his first deployment in 2004 I did not realize that I would have to learn how to love again. Since the husband that I married was no longer, I had to learn to love and fall in love with this new husband that was now sharing my home with me, sharing my bed with me, co-parenting with me and etc… This was not only something that I had to find a way to achieve but my husband had too as well. Situations and circumstances had caused us both to become new people and we needed to make this marriage work despite the changes.

1) Acceptance- One of the most important things we had to do was to accept that things had changed and that we had changed. It is common for couples to experience life altering events and to spend a great amount of time wishing that things were like they used to be. K.J. and I realized that things were not like they used to be and that in some instances they never would be again. I am not saying that everything was lost; however, when some things change we must learn to adapt and find a way to appreciate the new instead of continuing to grieve over the old.

2) Patience- My husband’s state of mind and behaviors were extremely different when he arrived home after every deployment. There were many times that I did not understand his responses and I would become very aggravated because I did not understand. My aggravation in no way helped the situation actually it only made things worse. I was not aware at the time that K.J. truly could not see what I saw. Although he knew that he was different he was not aware of how much his difference in behavior was affecting me and our son.

It honestly took me a few years to realize that I needed to be patient and understanding with my husband. Instead of always becoming upset, aggravated and angry God showed me that I needed to show sympathy. He had seen and experienced some things that I could never imagine and although I deeply wanted everything to be “normal” again, we were clearly on the way to a new norm. My husband needed me to allow him time to work through some things while also keeping a balance and holding him accountable in a respectful way when needed. K.J. also had to learn to be patient with me as I learned to accept the new him.

3). Forgiveness- In order to maintain any successful relationship the practice of forgiving must be evident. Whenever a drastic life changing event occurs in a marriage there will most likely be misunderstandings, a breakdown in communication and in some cases a lack of trust. I am not saying that these things will occur 100% of the time, however, when emotions are running high it is easy to say and do things that we do not mean to say and do. It is common that we will react to a situation opposed to responding when we have feelings of confusion, anger, desperation and disappointment.

In these cases the act of forgiveness is important for both parties. Actually, I would consider forgiveness a requirement if the relationship is to thrive and survive. As my husband and I were struggling to learn how to maintain a marriage, although we were different people, we made many mistakes. There were many times that we both treated each other unfairly and in some cases even disrespectful. Learning to say “I’m sorry” and “I accept your apology” was a necessity. We still make mistakes and wrong each other at times because we are human. However, we have a stronger foundation now and we understand that forgiveness is not only for the other person but it is also for us and the betterment of our marriage. Without it we would never have learned how to love again.

Photo By JF Creations https://www.facebook.com/JFcreations
Photo By JF Creations

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