Here We Go, Again

It has only been four months since you left but it seems like forever already. Here we go, again, yes, again. Here we go with the lonely nights and days of feeling blue because we are trying to understand how to cope with missing you. Here we go again with the heartache of watching the kids cry because they had no idea how long it would be when they told you good-bye. Here we go again with the fears of you being gone and the daily prayer that God will please allow you to make it home. Here we go again, yes, again.

Here we go again with the random tears and the hidden fears. Will things change like before? Will we ever see the man who walked out of the door? Although I truly want these thoughts to pass me by, I sometimes wonder will it be the same as the day we said goodbye. Here we go again with missing your touch, your hugs, and your smile. So many days we wish we could get to you but with that would come traveling many miles. Here we go again with everything seeming to fall apart when you are gone and dealing with the feelings of having to handle a lot of things all alone. Here we go, again, yes, again.

Here we go again facing the fact that even though we are apart life must go on and sometimes it seems impossible but we all must be strong. The kids are missing you like crazy and so do I, however, we are all grateful as each day goes by. Many people do not understand the heartache that we feel as we are forced to separate and no, time does not heal. Time does not heal the wounds we gain from the time we lose or the special moments that you can only hear about as if it were news. The first year of our baby’s life that you will miss or the sadness that Mariah feels because she desires to give her dad a goodnight kiss. Time will not replace the first year of middle school for our first born or the long-awaited first day of kindergarten for our second son. 

Many people do not understand the price that we pay when they look at us and think we have it made. There is a sacrifice that comes along with this life we live and the precious moments of your life that you have chosen to give. You give to your country that you support and love and you truly believe that this is a call from above. A call to help improve the lives of others no matter their gender, background, or color. So, because of that, here we go again, yes, again. Here we go again with another opportunity to appreciate what we have worked to create; a chance to help others understand even those that cannot relate. A chance to grow as a family, although we are apart, we are truly connected by the heart. Here we go again with another opportunity for God’s glory to be revealed and although time cannot, God can and will heal. He will make up for the time that we have lost and compensate us for paying such a significant cost. Here we go again, yes, again.

Here we go again with the chance for our love to grow in a different light and for our relationship to blossom even in spite. In spite of the distance, our love is real and the test of time can and will reveal that it is possible to love and be apart for a while, when your heart is in it then you make a decision to continue to smile. We deal with the tears and the dateless days as we keep in mind that this is only a phase. This is a temporary situation that will have long-lasting benefits; As we learn to cherish and have a different appreciation for our moments. The moments we are together as a family, the times we love and share, have a different meaning when you are here. Since we understand what it means for you to be gone we truly appreciate you when you are home. Here we go again with an opportunity for our kids to grow as they experience some hardships that other kids will never know. A time for them to walk in their resilience and show others how in the midst of fear you can walk through as fearless. So, as I thank you for all that you do I also thank God for another chance to show how we, the Johnson’s, can and will make it through. Here we go again, yes, again.

^“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee”.   Isaiah 26:3

 

                                                      WE ARE THE JOHNSON’S

A Letter to My Baby Girl

 

Baby girl,

There is so much I want you to know. There is so much I want to say, and I pray that one day you will understand all of my intentions my true intentions. For many years I desired to have a daughter. God promised me many years prior to your birth that I would conceive a girl. At times, the promise looked bleak and there were moments I began to question if you would ever arrive. After the loss of your sisters, I struggled with continuing to believe because I was afraid of another disappointment; but with the help of God, I fought my way back from that dark place. Eventually, God’s word was fulfilled with you, my promise. I will always remember the night God spoke to me in a dream, “Mariah is coming,” that night forever changed my life for the better. Even then, I had no idea the blessing that was in store for me.

I know that people call you a “mini-me,” and that is okay but, a “mini-me” is not what I hope you become. I hope that you are an original you, one that is confident in who God has created you to be and that you walk in that design without apologies. Yes, I will set the path but, you must follow along in your own set of footprints. I desire for you to be so much more than me and to go further than I ever could. I hope that you refuse to make the same mistakes that I have made and continue to make. I pray that you are not too hard on yourself but, you also realize that in order to be all that you can, you must maintain standards that some others may not understand.

I hope that you will not allow the misunderstanding of others to cause you to question who you are and that you will not allow the words or thoughts of others to change you. I pray that you will keep your beautiful smile, your outgoing personality, your love for music, your love for dance, your compassionate heart and your love for people. Never be ashamed of your passions although they may be misunderstood. I hope that you will overcome any fears that could possibly hinder you from reaching your goals and that you will walk boldly in the strength and courage that God himself has imparted into you. I pray that you will make the decision to change the negative habits that you may have learned and be the best you that you can be.

I hope that you will take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Never be afraid or ashamed to let go of people who constantly bring negativity into your life and encourage you to be less than what God has called you to be. Always choose friends that will encourage you, help you to achieve your dreams, love you for who you are, and have your back at all times. Baby girl, my prayer is that you will walk in good health and prosperity. I pray that you walk forward and choose not to look back as so many do because the past is the past and there is nothing there for you. Always press towards the mark for a brighter day and do not be deterred by what others think or say.

I pray you will understand your value and your worth and any man that comes along will be required to live up to the standards that your dad and brothers have set before you. You are a beautiful jewel and you have no reason to settle for less. Mariah, I pray that you remember that your body is a temple and a precious gift that should always be treasured. I pray you make sure that you are his choice and that you will not settle for being an option. You deserve to be the one and only and you deserve to be the apple of his eye. I pray that God will allow me to live to raise you from being the princess you are into the queen you are meant to be.

I hope that I am setting the path for you and being the example of a virtuous woman with integrity, strength, courage, and faith. I know you will make mistakes but I hope that you do not allow those mistakes to define you. I want to see you fly high and to stand tall in this life. I desire to see you overcome any obstacles that may come your way and achieve your goals each day. Remember, never allow failures to determine your choices or the betrayal of people to run your life. Most importantly, always know that people may leave you but God never will. Mariah, just as your name implies, you are beloved, the Lord is and will continue to be your teacher, and you are the star of the sea. I love you my baby girl!

Always and Forever,

Mom

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