False Positive Part II

As I sat in the room waiting on my lab results, I maintained the hope that this time would be different than before. Unfortunately, I was wrong.  After I received the lab results, the doctor came in and advised that both of my pregnancy tests were suspected to be “false positives”.  Due to my history, we later determined that I suffered a chemical pregnancy, which is often associated with “false positive” pregnancy test.  Although there was a fertilized egg, it never completely implanted or for some reason, it could not continue to grow in my uterus, which resulted in an early miscarriage.  At the time I received the positive pregnancy test results, the fate of the baby was already determined but we had no idea.

As I sat in the room, the words “false” and “positive” kept ringing in my ears. After years of infertility, followed by years of back to back pregnancies, I never encountered a false positive pregnancy test and definitely not two of them.  How could something that seemed so accurate on the surface end up being wrong?  If the tests were truly false positives then the excitement and expectation that my family felt was based on a counterfeit positive result.  Although this was a natural situation, I found myself receiving a spiritual awakening and powerful revelation.

Proverbs 16:25 states, “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but then end thereof are the ways of death”. There are times when we are believing in and practice ways that seem right.  We are definite that these ways are leading us down the right path, however, in actuality they are not.  As people of God, we have been given a layout and a specific design that we are commanded to follow.  Failure to follow this layout and /or design will cause us to be separated from God and will lead to death.  By not abiding by God’s plan and instructions, our spirits will suffer and eventually the relationship that we have worked hard to build will suffocate.

Signs

At the present time, it is imperative that we know the truth and that we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us.   Many of us are convinced that our ways are correct, but they are actually false positives.  In other words, these ways and ideas are built on purposeful deceit, by the enemy.  We are looking forward to a successful end, but that end is only an illusion.  This road that is spoken of in Proverbs is a road that is an imitation; however, this road closely resembles the correct way.  Although the road leads the wrong way, it has been given the attractions needed to fool even the wise.

The road has been padded with luxury statements, which are meant to please our fleshly desires, without the true conviction that comes from the word of God. One that seems to be right, because it is the life that is modeled by those we have put our trust in, however, we have failed to compare it to God’s word.   The road has signs that tell us to stop when we should go and signs that tell us to go when we should stop.  This road is filled with hidden fears and distractions.  Hateful ways are disguised as loving ways and relationships are constantly destroyed while on this road.

As we are traveling on this road, we have a false assurance that we will obtain success, when failure is truly the only destination on the road. Let’s be diligent in our walk with God.  We must seek him to ensure that we are not living a life filled with false hope and expectations.  Just as there is a road that seems right, there is a road that is right.  There is a road filled with strength, hope, guidance, love, fulfillment, healing, deliverance and abundance.  There is a road that God has ordained and it will only guide us into his loving truth.  There is a road that will lead to restored relationships, forgiveness and success.  There is a road that is not a “false positive” but truly is “positive”.

 “The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.” Proverbs 12:15

 

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False Positive

We could not believe it! Finding out on our daughter’s 2nd birthday that we were expecting again was beyond shocking.  The pregnancy tests, I took that afternoon, were both positive.  After the birth of our daughter, I was almost sure that I did not desire to biologically have any more children.  The fact that I will be turning 40- years- old in a few months, definitely played a major part in that conclusion.  My husband, on the other hand, was more open to the idea than I was.  We would have the discussion randomly, over the past couple of years, however, until recently it has not been anything that we have fully embraced nor actively pursued.  This is why it was such a surprise when we found out that I was pregnant again.  Both of us were surprised yet grateful, that a once barren woman, has now been given the opportunity to experience multiple pregnancies.  We know that God is faithful and although we felt a bit unprepared we also counted the news as a blessing.

We immediately shared the news with close family, a few trusted friends and our children. I was very surprised at the excitement shown by my husband and our eldest son.  To say that their reaction gave me an unexplainable joy is an understatement.  Our youngest son even began to join in and show some joyful interest when discussing the idea of having another baby in the house.  The feelings of apprehension, I had previously dealt with concerning having another baby, especially at my age, immediately begin to disappear.  As I witnessed the reaction of my husband and children, I too became confident in the thought of having a new addition.

 

Pink stroller

All of my family’s excitement came to a halt after I woke up one morning exhibiting the signs of a miscarriage. I began having symptoms the night before and against my first thought I decided to go ahead and break the news to my husband.  That was a very difficult decision for me because I knew how excited he was about the baby.  I could not seem to get past the happiness being displayed by my family concerning the pregnancy.  The next morning there was no denying that I was most likely losing the baby.  The very baby that had brought my family a few days of joyful bliss and expectation was for some reason being aborted.  By the instruction of my primary care doctor, I went to the emergency room for care, instead of the clinic. I was disheartened during this trip, especially since I was scheduled to go to my primary care clinic that day and begin the process of obtaining my ob-gyn care.  There I was, having a third miscarriage which equaled the loss of five of our babies.  Although this situation was not looking promising, I still maintained hope that the baby could survive.  The last thing I wanted was to see my family disappointed after seeing them so hopeful.

 

**To Be Continued**

 

“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are thee ways of death” Proverbs: 14:12

Enough is Enough!

Enough

I am through with it all! I am done!  I can’t and I won’t continue to live in this manner.  I have decided that enough is enough!  The fear that has kept me in captivity for years will no longer have its hold.  The enemies of procrastination, consistent tardiness, and complacency no longer have a place in my life.  The constant doubt of who I am and confusion concerning my purpose have to go.  Why?  Because enough is enough!

The idea of settling and accepting less than what I desire in my heart, is no longer an option. I refuse to live by the boundaries that have been established around me.  The boundaries that accept poverty, lack, and the mentality that “comfortable is ok”.  I will stop looking at those who have beaten the odds and thinking, “That type of success is not for me”.  It is time out for spending too much time on the “whys” and failing to spend the required time and energy on what can be done to change the situation.  I understand some believe that we must know the past to accomplish greatness in the future; however, we sometimes allow that past to hinder our future.  We spend a lot of time expecting and looking for answers as we continue to look back and that slows down our forward movement.  Well, for me, enough is enough!

I have had enough of the hate that keeps us as people of all races and ethnicities back. I have had enough of the excuses and the blaming of everyone else but ourselves, which causes us to stay stagnant.  How we grew up, where we grew up, what happened while we were growing up does not have to be used as reasons why we cannot accomplish and achieve greatness.  These things are only used because we chose to use them and it is time to stop because enough is enough.

Settling is a choice and an opportunity. It is not a road that has to be taken it is a road that we decide to take.  Just as we have the opportunity to settle we have the opportunity to soar.  Of course it may be harder for some than others; however, it is not impossible.  Educational opportunities, business opportunities, ways to overcome debt and etc… are available to us all.  It is time that we tap into the greatness and abilities that have been placed on the inside of us.  There is nothing keeping us from reaching deep and looking high, except ourselves.  I have decided that I will no longer look to follow the trends of others but I will become the trendsetter.  I will be happy! I will be free!  I will succeed!  Why? Because the moment has come to say that enough is enough!

 

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

 

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The Beauty of it all

Even in hard situations, most of the time, something beautiful can be found.  Beauty comes in many different forms and it is often overlooked.  When things happen and God intervenes this is an example of his love and graciousness.  When relationships are broken and God provides restoration that is an example of his beauty.  Deliverance that comes after years of bondage and addiction is a display of God’s beauty.   When financial breakthrough comes after a financial struggle, that is beauty.   After waiting years for a heart’s desire that has finally manifested there is no mistaking of God’s beauty.  Whenever survival comes after the things that were meant to destroy, kill and steal then God’s beauty is apparent.  If we choose to look then we can see the beauty of it all.     

 

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”  Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

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