Here We Go, Again

It has only been four months since you left but it seems like forever already. Here we go, again, yes, again. Here we go with the lonely nights and days of feeling blue because we are trying to understand how to cope with missing you. Here we go again with the heartache of watching the kids cry because they had no idea how long it would be when they told you good-bye. Here we go again with the fears of you being gone and the daily prayer that God will please allow you to make it home. Here we go again, yes, again.

Here we go again with the random tears and the hidden fears. Will things change like before? Will we ever see the man who walked out of the door? Although I truly want these thoughts to pass me by, I sometimes wonder will it be the same as the day we said goodbye. Here we go again with missing your touch, your hugs, and your smile. So many days we wish we could get to you but with that would come traveling many miles. Here we go again with everything seeming to fall apart when you are gone and dealing with the feelings of having to handle a lot of things all alone. Here we go, again, yes, again.

Here we go again facing the fact that even though we are apart life must go on and sometimes it seems impossible but we all must be strong. The kids are missing you like crazy and so do I, however, we are all grateful as each day goes by. Many people do not understand the heartache that we feel as we are forced to separate and no, time does not heal. Time does not heal the wounds we gain from the time we lose or the special moments that you can only hear about as if it were news. The first year of our baby’s life that you will miss or the sadness that Mariah feels because she desires to give her dad a goodnight kiss. Time will not replace the first year of middle school for our first born or the long-awaited first day of kindergarten for our second son. 

Many people do not understand the price that we pay when they look at us and think we have it made. There is a sacrifice that comes along with this life we live and the precious moments of your life that you have chosen to give. You give to your country that you support and love and you truly believe that this is a call from above. A call to help improve the lives of others no matter their gender, background, or color. So, because of that, here we go again, yes, again. Here we go again with another opportunity to appreciate what we have worked to create; a chance to help others understand even those that cannot relate. A chance to grow as a family, although we are apart, we are truly connected by the heart. Here we go again with another opportunity for God’s glory to be revealed and although time cannot, God can and will heal. He will make up for the time that we have lost and compensate us for paying such a significant cost. Here we go again, yes, again.

Here we go again with the chance for our love to grow in a different light and for our relationship to blossom even in spite. In spite of the distance, our love is real and the test of time can and will reveal that it is possible to love and be apart for a while, when your heart is in it then you make a decision to continue to smile. We deal with the tears and the dateless days as we keep in mind that this is only a phase. This is a temporary situation that will have long-lasting benefits; As we learn to cherish and have a different appreciation for our moments. The moments we are together as a family, the times we love and share, have a different meaning when you are here. Since we understand what it means for you to be gone we truly appreciate you when you are home. Here we go again with an opportunity for our kids to grow as they experience some hardships that other kids will never know. A time for them to walk in their resilience and show others how in the midst of fear you can walk through as fearless. So, as I thank you for all that you do I also thank God for another chance to show how we, the Johnson’s, can and will make it through. Here we go again, yes, again.

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Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee”.   Isaiah 26:3

 

                                                      WE ARE THE JOHNSON’S

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Hey Mom, You are Appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who works 8 hours a day only to spend 4 hours with your kids before going to bed in order to prepare for the next 8 hour work day, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who stays home with your kids while never getting a moment to clear your head, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who decided not to immunize, who breast feeds and prefers cloth diapers, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who decided that formula feeding works best for you and your baby while deciding immunizations and pampers are okay too, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who gave birth with pain medicine or maybe even a c-section, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who gave birth naturally and was capable of enduring the pain without assistance, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who has not been able to give birth at all but has chosen to love a child that was birth by another, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who birth a child but was unable to provide the security needed so you decided to share your role as mother, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who deals with the conflicts of co-parenting with dad, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who parent’s alone, because dad for some reason is not in the home or involved, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who home schools her kids, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who has public school as the only option, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who chose private school in lieu of the other two, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who questions yourself and whether or not you are getting it all right, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who tries to live up to the standards and expectations of others while not realizing that you are awesome all by herself, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who cries in the dark when no one is around because you desire to give your children the best of you, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who makes mistakes over and over again but refuses to allow those mistakes to keep you from striving to become a better person, you are appreciated!

Hey mom, yes, you, the one who has raised her kids into wonderful adults and sometimes feels forgotten, know that you are not forgotten and you are appreciated!

To the mothers who constantly give their all and make sacrifices on a daily basis; sacrifices that often seem to go unnoticed, you are appreciated!

To the mothers who work to provide while dealing with the guilt of losing time; as well as the mothers who feel guilty for desiring free time, although you desperately need it, you are appreciated!

 

With so much criticism in the world today, we often fail to realize our value as people. To all of the mothers out there, regardless of race, nationality or background, you are appreciated!  There is nothing that compares to the nurturing and loving presence of a mother.  Regardless of differences in opinions and choices, mom, you are appreciated!   

 

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Don’t be Discouraged, God is not a Liar!

 Don’t be Discouraged, God is not a Liar!

 

Three of my promises!

Almost immediately after my husband and I were married I developed a deep yearning to become a mother. There was a strong burning desire in my heart to love, care for and nurture children. The intensity of this desire truly surprised me because prior to my husband and I meeting my focus was placed more on my career than any other part of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted children, by birth and adoption; however, that part of my future was not considered to be a priority at the time. As I look back, I now realize the strong desire that consumed me for a few years after my wedding, was placed on the inside of me for a purpose. There was a plan and yes there was a purpose. A plan that God himself had devised. A plan, that in the end, would give me my heart’s desire, give God His glory and prove that he is not a liar.

My journey to motherhood was far from an easy one. The pathway there was filled with tears, prayers, long talks, and feelings of being unworthy and incomplete. I was not focused on how I would become a mother; as I stated before, I always knew I wanted to experience birth and adoption.  I just truly longed to be a mother. The inner struggle I dealt with was often the culprit that caused me to be distracted at times, jealous on some days, and doubtful on many days. However, my emotional roller coaster and spells of wavering did not change the promise that God had made, specifically to me. He was faithful to his promise and although the process getting there was long and difficult; the end resulted in me becoming a mother to three beautiful, healthy and vibrant children by birth and adoption. God made me a promise that he would give me my heart’s desire, and he stood by his word. The promise was fulfilled at the appointed time.

As Christians, it is not uncommon for us to find ourselves in situations that may cause us to question ourselves, our actions, and even the plan and will of God. Many of us often find ourselves in what I like to consider a “wilderness experience”; a place that can keep us in bondage mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. These are the experiences or situations that we ourselves have no power to change, and regardless of how much we seem to pray and/or believe, it seems as though the situation never does. In some instances, the problem seems to get bigger while the solution seems impossible or nonexistent. I personally believe that these are opportunities for God to show His unlimited power to believers and nonbelievers alike. These opportunities allow him to affirm that he is a faithful God and that he will not make a promise that he will not fulfill. Now, I do understand that some promises are conditional and that we may choose to deny or reject things that God desires for us to have, but God will always hold up his end. He always has and he always will.

In the midst of any wilderness experience or gloomy situation, we must attempt to focus on God’s word and his promises. Regardless of whether the situation involves health issues, financial issues, broken relationships, a desire for marriage, a desire for children, marital issues, behavioral issues with children, and more, we must remember that there is no situation that is more powerful than God! He is the ultimate and supreme authority and in the end the final say is his. It is important to realize that when we dwell on any thought that is contrary to the word of God, then we are unintentionally treating him as though he has lied to us. God is a limitless God; however, he chose to put limitations on himself, for our sake and his name’s sake. He cannot lie to us. This is not a guarantee that we will not endure trials, moments of suffering, and even losing loved ones. The word of God specifically tells us that these things will happen. We will suffer, we will have hard times, and at some point, everyone must face death. However, he has also promised us help, comfort, strength, peace, deliverance, and healing. We know that there will be a night of weeping but, he has also promised a morning of joy.

We as people of God must stay encouraged and continue to believe. Although there may be moments where things seem hopeless, we should always remember that he is, “I Am”; in other words, he is our hope when there seems to be no hope. He is our joy when there seems to only be misery. He is our peace when everything is chaotic. He is our everything. Whatever we may need or desire is found in him. When situations do not turn out as we desire, know that God is still at work. As long as we love him, he has promised that even disappointments, will work for our good. His word was given for a purpose, and he will always stand by his word. His word is truth and only truth. He will not lie! In every problem, we must learn to allow God the opportunity to show that he is a healer, a deliverer, a void filler, a provider and so much more. We must obtain a different level of faith and trust in the midst of those wilderness experiences. It is imperative that we do not stay discouraged and that we remember God is not a liar!

 

” God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.”  Numbers 23:19-20

Photo by JF Creations: https://www.pictrs.com/jfcreations?l=de