We Must Choose To See

 

This past Thursday while sitting in bible study, the Apostle of the church we attend said something that really made me think he said “you have to see it”.  This is actually something that he has said on multiple occasions, however, this time that saying caused a different effect then it had in the past.  This time I was encouraged to start seeing my dreams manifest in mind even before they actually come to past.  For example, although I only have a few blog followers I have begun seeing myself as a professional blogger (writer) with multiple followers.  I now see myself with several books that are best sellers although I haven’t finished writing my first one.

God has given us all dreams and desires. Deep down on the inside of us there is something that we have been given that can pave the way for us to go from just having what we need to having an abundance of what we need as well as things that we desire.  God has placed something powerful on the inside of us that can change our lives greatly; however, we must choose to see it!

We must begin to visualize ourselves walking in greater things.  It is time that we stop just dreaming and begin visualizing, planning and moving.  We have the potential to make more money, achieve unimaginable success and make an impact on our communities.  All of us carry something on the inside of us that can help transition us to the position of employers instead of employees but we must choose to see it.

When people say that life is choice driven this is the truth. It is a choice to accept and expect greater levels of success in your lives.  Although each one of us have the ability not everyone will make a choice to reach for more.  Not everyone will choose to see themselves reaching what seems to be unreachable.  I encourage everyone to see yourselves in higher positions on your job, as the owners of the business and not just working for the business.  See yourself with your own franchise, chain or brand name.  We often times settle because we choose to.  Start now choosing to see yourself where you want to eventually be and in time it will surely manifest.  We must choose to see!

 

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Why I as a Christian Choose to Celebrate Holidays

 

With the holiday season finally in swing and the continued expansion of social media, I have seen many posts and opinions concerning the reasons why Americans, Christians and Blacks should not celebrate holidays.  I decided to mildly address this issue, since I fall into all three categories, in hopes to helping some open minded people (not everyone will be) understand why I personally choose to celebrate holidays.  Before I begin I would like to ensure that everyone understands that I am only expressing my personal views and I am in no way speaking against anyone in a negative way.  I believe that everyone has a right to their opinions and that we as a people must learn to respect the thoughts of those who do not feel as we do.

There is a misunderstanding that a lot of us who choose to celebrate holidays are ignorant to our history as well as the word of God.  In no way are we in the dark when it comes to how this land was obtained.  We do understand that the Native Americans were mistreated and that what was once theirs was stolen including a number of their lives.  This is why many of the Native Americans honor the “National Day of Mourning” on Thanksgiving Day.  However, in addition to remembering their ancestors who were mistreated, many of them also choose to celebrate Thanksgiving as their ancestors had done many years prior to the arrival of the pilgrims.

In today’s time many people, including myself, choose to celebrate Thanksgiving because we are grateful for what we have and in some cases for what we don’t have today.  It is a time that we set aside to say Thanks to God for His unfailing love and His constant grace.  Thanksgiving is a day that we choose to reinforce the love that we have for our families and friends and to cherish the ones that are still with us.  Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that we should do this every day and it is not that we don’t but Thanksgiving is simply a reminder that we should.  The true story of the origin of Thanksgiving will never be forgotten.  At the same time the desire to give thanks for what we have on today still strongly exists.

The celebration of Christmas is truly a huge debate for some reason.  As a Christian I could never imagine myself not honoring the birth of my one and only savior.  I personally would have an issue with celebrating every other birthday such as mine and/or my children but failing to recognize the birth of my savior.  The birth of Jesus was a turning point in my life.  I choose to celebrate that day because I understand that without His birth I would still be lost.  Without His birth I would not be reconciled to God who is the creator of all.  While I do completely understand that December 25th may not be Christ’s actual birthday it is the day that has been set aside to honor the fact that he was born.

The holiday season between November and January is a time that brings families together.  It is a time of tradition making, joy and laughter.  During this time many people take notice of those who are less fortunate as well as those who are lonely and they decide to give while lending a helping hand.  While depression does increase during this season so does love.  Many hearts are turned towards those who are hurting and distressed and there is an overwhelming feeling to meet the needs of those who lack.  For some reason people are more open to good deeds during the holidays. I as a Christian choose to celebrate holidays because regardless of how much negativity is in the world the holiday season provides an even greater opportunity to remember and show the love of Christ.

When Seasons Change

 

Last month my family experienced a horrible tragedy. The dreadful event was the cruel and unwarranted murder of my 23-year-old cousin who was shot down while in his home in the presence of his mother.  In an instant this young man’s life was senselessly taken from him and in that moment the life of everyone he loved and those that loved (and still love) him was changed.  His mother, his father(s), his siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends and etc…  In the blink of an eye the season in their lives changed.

This incident caused me to take a look at life in a different way.  I thought back to September 22, 2010 when the season changed for my husband and me.  The day our twin girls were stillborn.  That day changed us forever.  After that moment in our lives we individually changed as well as our relationship with each other.  Even though their deaths occurred five years ago every year when fall begins the autumn air takes me back to that devastating day.  The season that my husband and I had once lived in, permanently ended that day.

As I scroll through my social media and watch the news I see many who have been affected by the lost of a loved one.  No race or ethnicity is exempt from the pain that comes along with such a devastating moment.  Whether it is a parent, a child, a sibling, a grandparent, an uncle or aunt, cousin, niece, nephew or a close friend, the loss is still substantial.  The opportunity to laugh, play, talk, enjoy, disagree and to simply make new memories with that person is no longer there.  The visits and the phone calls will now be nonexistent.  The seasons have changed and those left behind are left with the daunting task of learning how to survive and thrive in the new season.

Many things happen when the season changes.  In some cases relationships are restored because the arguments that previously seemed important are now meaningless.  When seasons change sometimes people decide to take those risks that they normally would not have taken because they realize that life is shorter than they once thought.  When seasons change some people learn how to love a little more, give a little more and live a little more.  When seasons change some people learn that forgiveness is extremely important and should not be delayed.  When seasons change some people realize that in many situations the good really does outweigh the bad.  When seasons change sometimes people learn to cherish the good times because when they are gone they are truly gone.

The will and desire to move on in the new season is hard, extremely hard, however, it can be done.  God has promised to be our comforter when we are of a broken heart.  There will always be those days where we wish that we could bring our loved ones back even if for a short time.  We will always have those moments of longing, remembering how it used to be and thinking about how it could have been.  I often think back to the days growing up when I would spend time with my aunts and uncles that have departed this earth.  I can still hear their voices, remember their laughs and certain smells bring back childhood memories.  I sometimes look at our three children and imagine how it would be if all five were here.  I imagine what it would have been like had the seasons not changed.

If you are in a new season in your life due to the loss of a loved one know that it is okay to cry, it is okay to grieve and it is okay to find your own way.  It is also okay to wonder “why” although sometimes we have to accept that we may never completely know.  It is okay to be patient with yourself as you learn how to survive in this new season.  It is also okay to know that even though your life has forever changed that you can still choose to live.  You can smile again, you can laugh again, you can hope again and you can move forward in this change of season. In most cases your loved ones would probably want you to.

BurningCandle-CloseUp
In memory of all of our loved ones who are sleeping

 

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  Psalms 34:18

Go Ahead, Make a Move!

For the longest time I would tell myself and others that I did not have a talent. I would constantly seek God asking Him to reveal the talent or gift that was buried so deep on the inside of me that it was unnoticeable. Unfortunately that was my thought process at the time but those thoughts were all illusions. The reality of it all is that I was truly ignoring the gift that God had given me. It is not that He wasn’t showing me or using others to recognize and speak into my life. The holdup was truly a result of my refusal to accept what was being spoken to me and move forward in it.

I will never forget the day when I accepted the fact that God had given me the ability to write. After a long conversation with my mom, that was not intended to convict me, I received the revelation that I had failed to show appreciation to God for my talent. Every time I rejected the idea of writing and refused to accept it as a talent, I was displaying an ungrateful attitude. With a repentant heart I changed my prayer and begin to ask God for the passion to write. I then wanted to know how I could utilize my gift for His glory, to help people and to help me achieve my personal success.

Just as each one of us has been given a measure of faith we have also been given a talent and in some cases multiple ones. In the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, the servant who was given one talent failed to faithfully handle it in an appropriate manner due to being bound by fear. As a result he was reprimanded and called “slothful”. He also ended up without a talent because the one he had was taken away as a result of him being seen as irresponsible.

The sad truth is that many of us have talents and we fail to move forward in them due to different fears, past life events, current family situations and etc… Although we may desire to move out on those deep desires within our hearts we often find reasons to justify not taking a step towards what we truly desire to do. In a sense we are failing to properly utilize different gifts and talents that God has trusted us with. We can many times unintentionally give fear more honor than we give God.

Everyone has a talent and /or gift from which dreams and desires are birth. The strong desires associated with these talents and gifts were never intended to be tucked away in our hearts and minds and never pursued. The fire was never meant to be extinguished because we are afraid of what could happen or what may happen. Those desires were placed there for a purpose and not for conversation only. Stepping out on those dreams and utilizing those talents allows God the opportunity to get His glory and to make us great. Yes, He desires for us to be great and to live in abundance! He wants us to move forward and to prosper in our gifts and talents.

We must stop allowing fear, doubt, a lack of motivation, a lack of confidence and other negative responses stop us from moving forward. If we are going to be proper role models for our children we must lead by example. The goal should always be to teach our children values that will set them up for success. While hard work is a necessity to be successful we should ensure that our hard work is being geared towards our success. In other words, we are not spending our lives working hard to help someone else’s dreams prosper while neglecting our own. We are instructed to leave an inheritance for our children not just work for someone else while helping them to leave an inheritance for their children. It is time to stand up, take a risk, utilize what we have been given and allow God to move! So I encourage everyone today to go ahead, make a move!

100212-Journal

Learning to Love Again! Part I

I previously wrote a blog focusing on the battle my husband and I encountered when he returned back from deployments with undiagnosed trauma. I was very excited about the positive feedback I received. I was not only excited but also made aware that there are many others who have faced this issue and some still are facing it in silence. This article can be considered the sequel to, “The Day We Said Goodbye”. Now that I have publicly shared our struggle a few of my trusted friends suggested that I also share the process that has led us to where we are today. It has been one that has caused my husband, myself and our eldest son to learn the true meaning of family and commitment. As for me, I also realized that sometimes we must learn how to love again.

When my husband returned back from his first deployment in 2004 I did not realize that I would have to learn how to love again. Since the husband that I married was no longer, I had to learn to love and fall in love with this new husband that was now sharing my home with me, sharing my bed with me, co-parenting with me and etc… This was not only something that I had to find a way to achieve but my husband had too as well. Situations and circumstances had caused us both to become new people and we needed to make this marriage work despite the changes.

1) Acceptance- One of the most important things we had to do was to accept that things had changed and that we had changed. It is common for couples to experience life altering events and to spend a great amount of time wishing that things were like they used to be. K.J. and I realized that things were not like they used to be and that in some instances they never would be again. I am not saying that everything was lost; however, when some things change we must learn to adapt and find a way to appreciate the new instead of continuing to grieve over the old.

2) Patience- My husband’s state of mind and behaviors were extremely different when he arrived home after every deployment. There were many times that I did not understand his responses and I would become very aggravated because I did not understand. My aggravation in no way helped the situation actually it only made things worse. I was not aware at the time that K.J. truly could not see what I saw. Although he knew that he was different he was not aware of how much his difference in behavior was affecting me and our son.

It honestly took me a few years to realize that I needed to be patient and understanding with my husband. Instead of always becoming upset, aggravated and angry God showed me that I needed to show sympathy. He had seen and experienced some things that I could never imagine and although I deeply wanted everything to be “normal” again, we were clearly on the way to a new norm. My husband needed me to allow him time to work through some things while also keeping a balance and holding him accountable in a respectful way when needed. K.J. also had to learn to be patient with me as I learned to accept the new him.

3). Forgiveness- In order to maintain any successful relationship the practice of forgiving must be evident. Whenever a drastic life changing event occurs in a marriage there will most likely be misunderstandings, a breakdown in communication and in some cases a lack of trust. I am not saying that these things will occur 100% of the time, however, when emotions are running high it is easy to say and do things that we do not mean to say and do. It is common that we will react to a situation opposed to responding when we have feelings of confusion, anger, desperation and disappointment.

In these cases the act of forgiveness is important for both parties. Actually, I would consider forgiveness a requirement if the relationship is to thrive and survive. As my husband and I were struggling to learn how to maintain a marriage, although we were different people, we made many mistakes. There were many times that we both treated each other unfairly and in some cases even disrespectful. Learning to say “I’m sorry” and “I accept your apology” was a necessity. We still make mistakes and wrong each other at times because we are human. However, we have a stronger foundation now and we understand that forgiveness is not only for the other person but it is also for us and the betterment of our marriage. Without it we would never have learned how to love again.

Photo By JF Creations https://www.facebook.com/JFcreations
Photo By JF Creations
https://www.facebook.com/JFcreations

LoveWedding bands and hands

 

I Only Want to be Accepted!

For many years I unknowingly struggled with the issue of wanting to be accepted.  After experiencing years of rejection from some of my family, I developed an insecurity that I was unaware even existed.  I often told myself that I was confident in who I was and that I was okay with my family members decisions to exclude me from their lives, but the reality of it all is that I really was not.  Not at that time anyway.  As much as I attempted to hide or mask my feelings the fact of the matter is that I longed to be a part of their lives and I desired for them to want me as a part.  I only wanted to be accepted!  It is amazing how we can look back and see how truly broken we can sometimes be as a result of someone else’s decision not to make us a vital part of their lives.

Rejection can have a very powerful effect.  When we are rejected it is not uncommon to develop insecurities, a lack of confidence and low self-esteem.  We often blame ourselves for the lack of acceptance and as a result we begin to question who we are and we wonder what is wrong with who we are.  The fact that someone or some people we are biologically, emotionally, physically or mentally associated with ,chooses to deny and discard us, can cause long-term effects that are sometimes concealed.

When I realized that I had been hurt and bruised by the rejection that took place in my life many years before, it was a very startling revelation.  I then begin to understand why I always felt as though I needed people to understand my view points.  I also understood why I felt as though I needed validation when I made a life altering decision.  I understood why I would become so upset and discouraged when I felt as though the ones who were the closest to me did not understand me as I so desperately wanted them too.  I not only wanted their approval but I felt as though I needed their approval.  I only wanted to be accepted!  This desire for acceptance was a place of bondage and entrapment for me.  It was a hard and sorrowful place that often led me to question and rethink my decisions and ponder more on how I could please those around me with the decisions I chose rather than myself.

True deliverance came for me when I realized first that there was a problem.  Once I begin to deal with the feelings associated with those relationships that had aided me in getting into that place I started to become a more liberated person.  There was no more room left to hide those feelings it was time to deal with them head on.  I took all of my hurt, frustrations, sadness, anger and unforgiveness and I dealt directly with those emotions.  I realized that I had to stop taking responsibility for situations that were out of my control and choices that were not mine to make.  I also begin to see that some of those who had rejected me were hurting and broken themselves.  That revelation caused me to not only forgive but to develop a greater compassion.

Once we realize how important it is for us to completely accept ourselves in spite of our past, our failures, our short comings and our imperfections then we will be able to accept others’ decisions concerning us.  We have the power to determine our destiny and this power does not have to be based on who decides to remove themselves from our lives.  Rejection is not a new term.  All through the bible we see people whom suffered rejection from loved ones.  Jesus was one of the most rejected people; however, it did not stop him from fulfilling his purpose.  It is imperative that we realize our own importance and embrace that importance.  Our value is not determined by who accepts us or who doesn’t accept us.  We are God’s creations and our value lies in Him and whom he has made us to be.  There are some questions that may never be answered.  In some cases we will eventually gain an understanding as to why some have rejected us and in other cases we may never understand.  However, regardless of the why, we must know that we can still be made whole and live fulfilling and prospers lives.  It no longer has to be, I only want to be accepted, but it can be I am valuable even if I am not!White Rose

Don’t be Discouraged, God is not a Liar!

 Don’t be Discouraged, God is not a Liar!

 

Three of my promises!

Almost immediately after my husband and I were married I developed a deep yearning to become a mother. There was a strong burning desire in my heart to love, care for and nurture children. The intensity of this desire truly surprised me because prior to my husband and I meeting my focus was placed more on my career than any other part of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted children, by birth and adoption; however, that part of my future was not considered to be a priority at the time. As I look back, I now realize the strong desire that consumed me for a few years after my wedding, was placed on the inside of me for a purpose. There was a plan and yes there was a purpose. A plan that God himself had devised. A plan, that in the end, would give me my heart’s desire, give God His glory and prove that he is not a liar.

My journey to motherhood was far from an easy one. The pathway there was filled with tears, prayers, long talks, and feelings of being unworthy and incomplete. I was not focused on how I would become a mother; as I stated before, I always knew I wanted to experience birth and adoption.  I just truly longed to be a mother. The inner struggle I dealt with was often the culprit that caused me to be distracted at times, jealous on some days, and doubtful on many days. However, my emotional roller coaster and spells of wavering did not change the promise that God had made, specifically to me. He was faithful to his promise and although the process getting there was long and difficult; the end resulted in me becoming a mother to three beautiful, healthy and vibrant children by birth and adoption. God made me a promise that he would give me my heart’s desire, and he stood by his word. The promise was fulfilled at the appointed time.

As Christians, it is not uncommon for us to find ourselves in situations that may cause us to question ourselves, our actions, and even the plan and will of God. Many of us often find ourselves in what I like to consider a “wilderness experience”; a place that can keep us in bondage mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. These are the experiences or situations that we ourselves have no power to change, and regardless of how much we seem to pray and/or believe, it seems as though the situation never does. In some instances, the problem seems to get bigger while the solution seems impossible or nonexistent. I personally believe that these are opportunities for God to show His unlimited power to believers and nonbelievers alike. These opportunities allow him to affirm that he is a faithful God and that he will not make a promise that he will not fulfill. Now, I do understand that some promises are conditional and that we may choose to deny or reject things that God desires for us to have, but God will always hold up his end. He always has and he always will.

In the midst of any wilderness experience or gloomy situation, we must attempt to focus on God’s word and his promises. Regardless of whether the situation involves health issues, financial issues, broken relationships, a desire for marriage, a desire for children, marital issues, behavioral issues with children, and more, we must remember that there is no situation that is more powerful than God! He is the ultimate and supreme authority and in the end the final say is his. It is important to realize that when we dwell on any thought that is contrary to the word of God, then we are unintentionally treating him as though he has lied to us. God is a limitless God; however, he chose to put limitations on himself, for our sake and his name’s sake. He cannot lie to us. This is not a guarantee that we will not endure trials, moments of suffering, and even losing loved ones. The word of God specifically tells us that these things will happen. We will suffer, we will have hard times, and at some point, everyone must face death. However, he has also promised us help, comfort, strength, peace, deliverance, and healing. We know that there will be a night of weeping but, he has also promised a morning of joy.

We as people of God must stay encouraged and continue to believe. Although there may be moments where things seem hopeless, we should always remember that he is, “I Am”; in other words, he is our hope when there seems to be no hope. He is our joy when there seems to only be misery. He is our peace when everything is chaotic. He is our everything. Whatever we may need or desire is found in him. When situations do not turn out as we desire, know that God is still at work. As long as we love him, he has promised that even disappointments, will work for our good. His word was given for a purpose, and he will always stand by his word. His word is truth and only truth. He will not lie! In every problem, we must learn to allow God the opportunity to show that he is a healer, a deliverer, a void filler, a provider and so much more. We must obtain a different level of faith and trust in the midst of those wilderness experiences. It is imperative that we do not stay discouraged and that we remember God is not a liar!

 

” God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.”  Numbers 23:19-20

Photo by JF Creations: https://www.pictrs.com/jfcreations?l=de

The Day We Said Goodbye

 

December 29, 2001, it was one of the very best days of my life. Our wedding theme was Cinderella and our phrase was “Today our dream becomes a reality”. After a couple of failed relationships I had finally been given a chance at real love. This was a love that I had always imagined and dreamed about and now it was becoming a reality. Yes, that day was such a wonderful day, the day I married my prince charming, my Boaz, my soldier, the man of my dreams.

When my K.J. and I met he was very open about his love for the military. Our relationship blossomed rather fast and although I had always been against becoming a military spouse I found myself becoming more and more in love with the idea. K.J. was so sweet, gentle, affectionate and patient I could not resist but to renege on some things I had promised myself I would not do. There I was accepting this man and his career while making the conscious decision to dismiss some things of mine own. At that moment I had no idea the things that I was truly agreeing to give up for a true chance at love.

Our first duty station was Fort Hood, TX. I will never forget the day I left Georgia to begin my new life as a newlywed military spouse. K.J. and I drove two separate cars and I remember listening to Donnie McClurkin’s, “I trust you Lord”, over half of the trip. At that moment I was listening to the song with tears streaming down my face because I was leaving my love ones behind. I had no idea how much I would truly have to learn to trust God in the midst of every situation and every aspect of this military life.

March 2003 was a turning point for the United States as a whole, however, for those of us who were affiliated with the military at that time the turn was a bit sharper and unsuspected. Operation Iraqi Freedom was the war that the United States was fighting; and for the cause our soldiers proudly left behind their loved ones to go into an unknown place to fight this war in an effort to pursue justice for our citizens. When K.J. received his orders to go he was so excited. He loved being a soldier and he was sure that he would be back in 4 months and return to me just as he left. My husband was a proud and confident American soldier and I was the proud wife.

The day he left was a hard day for me. I recall waking up that morning and preparing to take him to his company to leave out that evening. We went to eat pizza for lunch and I remember the laughter all mixed with tears because we both knew that we would miss each other like never before. My husband and I had only been married for a little over a year and we were being separated for a cause that seemed greater than either of us could comprehend. I recall giving my husband that dreadful last kiss and that last hug as I was preparing to leave him. My heart was breaking like it never had before. There was an indescribable pain and in the midst of it all I had no idea that goodbye would be my last goodbye to my K.J. I had no idea that the husband that always made me laugh, that smiled whenever I entered the room, that was unable to sit in the same room with me without kissing and/or hugging me would not return to me. I had no idea that the day we said goodbye would truly be the day we would say goodbye.

Twelve months seemed like a life time being away from my husband. When he first returned home I noticed some subtle changes, however, I attributed most of them to him being tired or just having to adjust to being back. It was very strange to me that in the beginning he seemed very reluctant to be in a crowd of people especially since we would go out all of the time before he left. The sound of a balloon popping would cause a reaction that seemed to set off a fear I had never witnessed in my husband before. As time went on I began to notice that certain events would trigger an agitation and irritability in my husband that was nothing like the K.J. that had left me a year earlier. Although we would still laugh and play it became more and more apparent over time that something had changed in my husband and he was no longer the same man who I married.

In 2005 K.J. was sent to Louisiana to help support the victims of Hurricane Katrina. He was then sent to Korea in August 2006 for a year tour immediately after the arrival of our oldest son. My husband returned in August 2007 only to be sent off again in 2008 to Iraq for another twelve month tour. Each time he would return my K.J. seemed to disappear more and more. The man I said goodbye to in the gym, at the airport or at his company was never the man I greeted upon his return. With each deployment or separation he was changing. The laughter became less and less, the smiles began to disappear, the long talks we had in the past became very scarce and the hugs and kisses throughout the day almost became nonexistent. My K.J. was no longer cheerful; he became very withdrawn, angry, irritable, impatient and lost. I had no idea what was truly going on I just knew that I desired my husband back. The man that I said goodbye to that April day in 2003, that is who I yearned for, my first husband, yes, my husband of only a year.

Thanks to my mom I grew up with a great faith in God. Yes, I was at a lost as to what was going on with my husband but I knew that I needed to pray and pray is what I did. I do not mean just a prayer I mean I prayed consistently for years to come. As a matter of fact I still do. As the years went on I became knowledgeable on some things and I realized that although he was never officially diagnosed with anything my husband was dealing with results of some traumatic events he had seen and encountered. I began to educate myself on things both spiritually and naturally. I had a very small support group because at the time most people thought that we were doing great. I chose not to make what was going on inside our home public knowledge at the time because our family was so vulnerable.

In the beginning my husband was very defensive about his changes. He could not see himself as I saw him or as how our son saw him. His vision was limited to what was really happening I believe partially because he was afraid to realize that he had changed. However, as things begin to progress K.J.began to accept that things had changed in him and things had started to change in me as well. I too became a different person. Due to the changes within my home I often cried more than laughed. I began to question the decisions I made in 2001 when I decided to give up some of my hopes and dreams for my chance at love. I often wondered if I were responsible for those drastic changes in any way and if I failed as a wife by not preventing them. There were times I even questioned if I were the right fit for my husband because surely if I were then he would have been happy. It was a hard struggle, a very hard struggle. One filled with tears, pain, regrets and apologies. However, it has also been a struggle filled with love, fighting for something and someone you hold dear, forgiveness and a greater level of faith.

I am so thankful to God for keeping my husband’s physical body during every separation. I do realize that there were many who paid the ultimate sacrifice and lost their lives for the protection of our right to freedom. I would not dare try to take away from the honor that is due to them and their families. I do however desire to show that even some that returned home with every limb in some way suffered a loss as well. In our case my husband seemed to lose his joy and his peace while I lost my husband of only 1 year.

I often think about my first husband of only 1 year and I miss his boyish smile, his silly antics and his numerous soft kisses. But then I look at my husband now and when I do, I see someone very different. I see a man, yes a mature man who has gone through some trials and come out a conqueror. A man who loves God more than he could ever express because he understands who has truly been his keeper. I see a man who has denied himself for the sake of his family. A man who decided that whatever the cost he would fight to keep his wife and children because his family is worth the fight! I see a man who has suffered but has still prevailed. Yes, I see a man! I see a man who has been and still is being shaped and molded into a stronger, wiser , more compassionate and more loving man and although it seems unbelievable this man was born the day we said goodbye!

 

Wedding bands
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

 

Time to be inspired!

With the struggles of everyday life it is often easy to find ourselves in a place of hopelessness and despair. The purpose of heart2inspire is to encourage and inspire those who are broken and feeling lost. This is a Christian based blog and it will focus on Christian values. Christ came so that we may have a fulfilling life. Although hard times may befall us we must remember that there is always hope. It is time to be inspired!